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Friday, 17 June 2011

What's the point? (Part 2)

Following on from my previous rant, here are some other things that literally have no purpose to them at all or alternatively have annoyed me.

Firstly, what is the point in people spilling their lives over the internet, specifically Facebook. Everyday there is someone with some pointless status post about how unhappy they are and how they wish their lives could be so much better. Why? What could possibly be so bad about sitting around at home using the internet to make you want to type that, and then thirty minutes later post another status declaring how happy you are with things and how life is perfect? Please do me a massive favour and fall down a well, that might even present you with something worthy of a status proving to be somewhat ironic.

Another thing that I can see literally no point to are tuned or modified cars, such as Renault Clio's and Vauxhall Corsa's. I know people modify them to make them look better or go faster, but my point is why do it to a small car like those mentioned. You see countless numbers of the boy racers going up and down the high street late at night, parading their prized possession to the world as if we as spectators are meant to stop what we are doing and scream "bugger me that is brilliant, look how that Corsa now lights up at the bottom, and how the side looks like it has flames on it but its actually paint, and how the car now sounds like a Boeing 757 when it accelerates from 0-7mph, isn't it brilliant!" No, no it isn't brilliant. It is pathetic.

What is the point in Celebrity Autobiographies? Especially when the so called celebrity in question has not done anything remotely worthy of writing a book about it. Take Katie Price aka Jordan, for example.  Katie Price is mostly famous for having unnaturally sized breasts, and at 33 years of age she has managed to write four Autobiographies about her career, yes four, which has come around as a result of large breasts and a succession of failed relationships. How on earth can this 'career' constitute four books to be published, when it shows as much creativity as that which is found in a toddlers doodle book? How can she even be able to write one book when she has a similar IQ score to that of a cabbage? Yet there are millions of people out there who will buy these books and provide a useless human with more and more money to the point where she is worth an estimated £40million. It would not surprise me if Harvey Price brings out a series of books which show a higher level of intelligence and a greater understanding of literature than those produced by his mother.

What is the point in Ryan Giggs trying to defend himself further from any new allegations made about him in the media? The man has dug himself into a hole so big, the Chilean miners would not be able to be rescued from it so why does Ryan Giggs think he will be any different? He has gone throughout his career with the image of the model professional being attached to him. He has been a role model, on and off the pitch, for all upcoming professional footballers and now the truth has come to light and he is worried that people wont think the same of him now. Everybody knows who Ryan Giggs really is off the field and he isn't so much of a role model now, so why bother attempting to hide away from it all when everybody knows the truth.

Also what is the point in people sharing their opinions and views over the internet? Is that not the most depressing thing that you have ever heard of. I am sure the only reason these people post their opinions online is because they are so boring and uninteresting in reality that they feel they are unable to express such concerns and views publicly and as a result must venture into the realm of cyberspace to vent such frustrations. These are people we could do without surely?

And before you start, I am aware and do realise that the last part of this blog was soaked in severe levels of irony. It was used for comic effect, and if you failed to pick up on it then, what's the point?

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Britain's Got The Pop Factor X-Dancing On Ice Superstar Talent Contest

It is a Saturday night and the nation is gripped by the talent show mania, no matter what the 'talent' is, the people who offer their act to the nation are usually those who: have no parents, are under 12, are gay, are mental, are benefits cheats, are canine or all of the above. So why is it that the Great British public go loopy for these horrific popularity shows?

These types of show, such as The X Factor, Britain's Got Talent, Strictly Come Dancing etc all have the same basic set up where they have a panel of judges whose opinion will sway the general public so that they call in more and more to further line the pockets of all the famous people involved. The public phone vote is the most crucial part of the entire show because it allows those sat at home on their arses to become one of the panelists and have their deciding vote applied to the act which they sat and watched, as if they are of any importance to the world like say, Simon Cowell or Cheryl Cole are.

Each of these specially selected judges are supposedly all experts in the field of music, talent or dancing. So when watching The X Factor the judging panel comprises of the following, Simon Cowell who is the shows creator and a highly successful record company owner and talent manager. Louis Walsh who is also very highly respected within the music industry for the work he has done with bands such as Westlife. Cheryl Cole who is most famous for her work in the most successful girl band of all time Girls Aloud. So far these people all seem to be very appropriate and justifiable in the roles that they have been placed in. Then there is Danni Minogue, who can only be described as being famous for looking like a stuck-up sour faced bitch or having Kylie Minogue as a sister, I will let you decide.

As on The X Factor, the same concept for those on the judging panel for Britain's Got Talent is applied yet the criteria upon which they are selected for the role seemed to have been loosened. They have been loosened so much that the judges do not need to be experts in any field across the wide spectrum of professions that the world has to offer. They don't even need to be close to the top of their game in the specific career, if they have one at all. This particular panel consists of David Hasslehoff, whose most recent act of fame would be him publicly wetting himself on a night out. Amanda Holden who is now famous for being a woman, who is alive and on TV. Finally there is Michael McIntrye, Britain's favourite comedian if you have no idea about the concept of humour or even mild entertainment, which is why he is on such shows. Despite the opinion that he is in fact funny and he is called a comedian, it is wrong, Michael McIntyre is about as entertaining as a mild stroke. People will argue that he is in fact funny because he has the capability to point out day to day occurrences, recite them to large crowds and wiggle his head but unfortunately to all of those who would argue this but that does not and never will constitute comedy, unless you are a 13 year old female.

Despite the judging panels being awash with these fantastically gifted international role models, this still doesn't provide me with enough distraction from the utter rubbish which is known as the 'talent'. These acts usually consist of a dog bouncing around a stage to the sound of Greensleeves or a 94 year old Grandfather of 5 body-popping to Run DMC. This is clearly what the nation needs to see, and none more so that the Queen as the winner of the competition gets to perform at the Royal Variety Performance.

Don't get me wrong, this does offer variety, but it is simply a variety of shit. I think they should do the honourable thing and save a lot of time and money and simply get the Queen on the panel to decide which act is suitable so that I do not have to hear about it every moment through the media.

Alternatively do the humane thing and put Amanda Holden down, she looks like a distressed horse and it offends me.