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Saturday, 23 July 2011

They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no and instead continued to poison my body until it resulted in my inevitable death.

Today it was announced that Pop-Star Amy Winehouse was found dead in her London home, the nation seemed to be surprised and shocked as it had lost one of its most talented individuals. The social networking sites went crazy at the news as it spread like wildfire. Amy Winehouse is yet another musician to join the famous 27 Club which already plays host to such members as Jimmi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison. The 27 Club is a name attached to a collective of musicians who died at the age of 27, to be perfectly honest I do not see what it is that is so appealing about this Club, and I for one will not be joining it.

Don't get me wrong, it is never nice to hear that someone has died especially when it is no fault of their own, the harsh reality sets in and you naturally feel sad to hear it, that is unless the death itself was self inflicted either at one moment in time of over a sustained period of time. So when I heard the news about Amy Winehouse's passing I was somewhat sceptical as to how much of a shock this really was. There will be a lot of people out their, mainly TV Celebrities like Peter Jones or Dom Jolly, who will harp on how she was a "fantastic person", how she was a "free spirit" (whatever that is) and how she, regardless of being a horrendous drug addict, alcoholic, terrible role model and ultimately one of the worst examples of humanity, "is still someones daughter, best friend and friend". 

Now that is true, she is someones daughter. I mean how else would she have got here without parents and if that was the case and she had managed to come into existence without the aid of a mother and a father then maybe it's not her music or her illegal lifestyle which we should be remembering her for. But at the same time as being those things she was also a drug user who shunned any external influence or help to assist her in overcoming such addictions so that it would not put her life in any further danger. Instead of taking these wise words on board she ignored them and continued to slowly but surely destroy her body, mind and reputation.

Again, don't get me wrong, Amy Winehouse was clearly a talented individual who managed to have an initially successful career in the music industry and Back To Black was the best selling album of 2007 selling over a million copies in the United Kingdom, in 2008 she went on to with Grammy Awards for the album and for various songs which were released on it. Despite all of this success, which came as a result of hard work and incredible talent, Winehouse continued to experiment with various different drugs and alcohol and as a result her life spiralled out of control. She became publicly scrutinised for it as the reality of what she was getting herself into was available for all to see.

She was voted as "The UK's Ultimate Heroine" in a poll carried out by Sky News in 2008, but to be honest I think the people contributing towards the poll totally misunderstood the question due to poor grammar and the failure to include the word "User" at the end of the poll's title. Was she a good musician? Yes. Was she a drug user? Yes. Will she be remembered for her music and not her personal life? No.

The reason I write this is not totally focussed on belittling Amy Winehouse, though that is a large part, but more the fact of highlighting how and why that the news of her death has come as a shock to the nation after years and years of abusing her body and how it seems to become the biggest story in the news. Despite the fact that in Norway there has been an explosion in a government building in Oslo killing 7 innocent people, which was shortly followed by a massacre at a youth camp where a gunman took the lives of at least 85 innocent people, some who were children, yet Amy Winehouse's death dominates the news as the tributes come pouring in. Tributes like the one from Fearne Cotton, a BBC Radio 1 DJ, who tweeted "Cannot believe the news. Amy was a special girl. The saddest news.". I would like to personally thank Fearne Cotton for providing me with more reasons to dislike her and I will end by saying this, at what point will the nation wake up and realise that the death of a drug user who had no care for her own life isn't news, yet the massacre of at least 85 innocent people by a crazed gunman is news and a lot more attention should be paid to it. What is wrong with the people in the world.

Friday, 8 July 2011

We all used to love Chris Moyles, until we realised he was a fat, unfunny, useless bellend.

Now, I am sure you have all had the misfortune to have come across Chris Moyles at some stage of your life and as a result of this I feel for you. Chris Moyles is a conundrum, as he has gone through his mildly interesting career being known as a "funny man" which is clearly something he is not, and if you think he is I suggest you do not continue to read (then again if you find him funny I highly doubt you have developed such rudimentary skills, such as reading). 

For anyone who is blessed enough to never have come across this wonderful individual I will give you a brief account of his career background. Moyles started his broadcasting career as a volunteer in Wakefield Hospital whilst still at school. As a result of this work he gained employment at Radio Luxembourg in 1992 and worked there until the station closed, was this a coincidence? I will let you decide, but lets face it, if you had a radio station and employed this cunt would you not want to shut it down? Anyway from there he went on to work at The Pulse of West Yorkshire in 1993 and was sacked, yes sacked, for inappropriate comments made about the stations previous programme controller. This proves to be a theme in the "funny man's" career, he seems to have this natural gift of saying mind-numbingly stupid and offensive things that result in him being dismissed, it's that or I just don't understand his 'sense of humour' if that is what you can call it.

Moyles went from station to station over the next few years spreading his shitty opinions to innocent counties who had no other alternative to listen to at such a time. These included Signal 1 in Stoke-on-Trent, Chiltern Radio, Horizon Radio, Severn Sound and Northants 96. But it was in 1996 where Moyles arguably got his 'big break' when he took a job at Capital FM, which is a large national station which has played host to such talents as Gervais, Merchant, Pilkington and 'Doctor' Neil Fox. 

It was the latter of those blockbuster names who Moyles managed to annoy and subsequently fall out with but this turned out well because BBC were interested in employing Moyles and he took a job on BBC Radio 1 in 1997. So it goes to show you can simply fuck up all of your previous jobs, alienate your colleagues and co-workers, get sacked, cause a station to shut down yet still be known as "The Saviour Of Early Morning Radio". Moyles went through the years covering for other well know DJ's on Radio 1 before he got his prime time slot which he is 'known and loved for now', and I use that phrase in the loosest possible way.

Since being on Radio 1 Moyles professes to be entertaining and funny despite doing none of these things, unless you count offending the worlds Jewish population by undermining the significance of Auschwitz as entertainment or making homophobic comments to roughly 11 million people then I take back all I have said, and he is an all round funny guy. Until then, he can fuck off.

But it is not just his Radio 1 career which annoys me, but more his decision to write not one, but two autobiographies. Now this would say to me that he has done so much in his life that he was unable to contain all of the fascinating, and lets face it, life changing moments and stories into one volume so he felt the need to satisfy the readers craving for content to spill them out into two individual books. Now you can read the autobiographies of Chris Moyles and dismiss them as total shit, or alternatively you could save time by not reading them and dismissing them as total shit. I have taken the latter approach towards these two volumes of shit literature, or shiterature, if you will.

The first of the two book series is titled: The Gospel According To Chris Moyles, A Story About A Man And His Mouth. Now anyone who is severely lacking any form of rational thought would look at this book, read the title and think it was funny. They would be wrong. This book consists of roughly 70,000 words which to be fair is unnecessarily long to sum up ' A Story About A Man And His Mouth', when it could easily be summed up in the following 22 words: "The Man Is An Unfunny Fat Useless Bellend, And His Mouth Is Overused Even For The Job He Is Paid To Do". When looking for reviews for the book on Amazon, I came across the option to purchase the book apparently there are 23 new copies available for £2.00 or less which is reasonable value for what is ultimately going to turn out to be best used as scrap paper or a doodle book.

Now I have analysed and summarised his first book I shall move swiftly on to the second instalment that Chris Moyles has provided the world with. This 'book' was called "The Difficult Second Book", which is somewhat ironic seeing as the follow up to the previous shit book cannot really be that difficult? But I guess that is beside the point. When looking for a description of the book, Amazon provided me with this quote: "Further hilarious musings and anecdotes from the bestselling, motor-mouth Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles". Now for anyone who hadn't read the first instalment of the series they would be under the impression that the first book was in anyway amusing or entertaining, much like the man who wrote it himself. Unfortunately this is an inaccurate description of what only can be described as crap. There is nothing of interest in this mans life to warrant one book, let alone two. There are so few points of interest regarding his life I am not even going to bother anymore describing what he has done or what his books profess to claim as he is an unimportant, insignificant, pathetic member of society who has somehow become 'famous' for continually offending people on a path of destruction until he reached the heights of radio broadcasting. 

My point is this. You may think Chris Moyles is funny and charasmatic, but you'd be horribly wrong. Because when you grow up and look back at him and what he does, you soon realise that he is about as funny and charismatic as Playdough. In other words, he provides mild entertainment to those who are still in a stage of mental development. Fuck you Chris Moyles.

Friday, 17 June 2011

What's the point? (Part 2)

Following on from my previous rant, here are some other things that literally have no purpose to them at all or alternatively have annoyed me.

Firstly, what is the point in people spilling their lives over the internet, specifically Facebook. Everyday there is someone with some pointless status post about how unhappy they are and how they wish their lives could be so much better. Why? What could possibly be so bad about sitting around at home using the internet to make you want to type that, and then thirty minutes later post another status declaring how happy you are with things and how life is perfect? Please do me a massive favour and fall down a well, that might even present you with something worthy of a status proving to be somewhat ironic.

Another thing that I can see literally no point to are tuned or modified cars, such as Renault Clio's and Vauxhall Corsa's. I know people modify them to make them look better or go faster, but my point is why do it to a small car like those mentioned. You see countless numbers of the boy racers going up and down the high street late at night, parading their prized possession to the world as if we as spectators are meant to stop what we are doing and scream "bugger me that is brilliant, look how that Corsa now lights up at the bottom, and how the side looks like it has flames on it but its actually paint, and how the car now sounds like a Boeing 757 when it accelerates from 0-7mph, isn't it brilliant!" No, no it isn't brilliant. It is pathetic.

What is the point in Celebrity Autobiographies? Especially when the so called celebrity in question has not done anything remotely worthy of writing a book about it. Take Katie Price aka Jordan, for example.  Katie Price is mostly famous for having unnaturally sized breasts, and at 33 years of age she has managed to write four Autobiographies about her career, yes four, which has come around as a result of large breasts and a succession of failed relationships. How on earth can this 'career' constitute four books to be published, when it shows as much creativity as that which is found in a toddlers doodle book? How can she even be able to write one book when she has a similar IQ score to that of a cabbage? Yet there are millions of people out there who will buy these books and provide a useless human with more and more money to the point where she is worth an estimated £40million. It would not surprise me if Harvey Price brings out a series of books which show a higher level of intelligence and a greater understanding of literature than those produced by his mother.

What is the point in Ryan Giggs trying to defend himself further from any new allegations made about him in the media? The man has dug himself into a hole so big, the Chilean miners would not be able to be rescued from it so why does Ryan Giggs think he will be any different? He has gone throughout his career with the image of the model professional being attached to him. He has been a role model, on and off the pitch, for all upcoming professional footballers and now the truth has come to light and he is worried that people wont think the same of him now. Everybody knows who Ryan Giggs really is off the field and he isn't so much of a role model now, so why bother attempting to hide away from it all when everybody knows the truth.

Also what is the point in people sharing their opinions and views over the internet? Is that not the most depressing thing that you have ever heard of. I am sure the only reason these people post their opinions online is because they are so boring and uninteresting in reality that they feel they are unable to express such concerns and views publicly and as a result must venture into the realm of cyberspace to vent such frustrations. These are people we could do without surely?

And before you start, I am aware and do realise that the last part of this blog was soaked in severe levels of irony. It was used for comic effect, and if you failed to pick up on it then, what's the point?

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Britain's Got The Pop Factor X-Dancing On Ice Superstar Talent Contest

It is a Saturday night and the nation is gripped by the talent show mania, no matter what the 'talent' is, the people who offer their act to the nation are usually those who: have no parents, are under 12, are gay, are mental, are benefits cheats, are canine or all of the above. So why is it that the Great British public go loopy for these horrific popularity shows?

These types of show, such as The X Factor, Britain's Got Talent, Strictly Come Dancing etc all have the same basic set up where they have a panel of judges whose opinion will sway the general public so that they call in more and more to further line the pockets of all the famous people involved. The public phone vote is the most crucial part of the entire show because it allows those sat at home on their arses to become one of the panelists and have their deciding vote applied to the act which they sat and watched, as if they are of any importance to the world like say, Simon Cowell or Cheryl Cole are.

Each of these specially selected judges are supposedly all experts in the field of music, talent or dancing. So when watching The X Factor the judging panel comprises of the following, Simon Cowell who is the shows creator and a highly successful record company owner and talent manager. Louis Walsh who is also very highly respected within the music industry for the work he has done with bands such as Westlife. Cheryl Cole who is most famous for her work in the most successful girl band of all time Girls Aloud. So far these people all seem to be very appropriate and justifiable in the roles that they have been placed in. Then there is Danni Minogue, who can only be described as being famous for looking like a stuck-up sour faced bitch or having Kylie Minogue as a sister, I will let you decide.

As on The X Factor, the same concept for those on the judging panel for Britain's Got Talent is applied yet the criteria upon which they are selected for the role seemed to have been loosened. They have been loosened so much that the judges do not need to be experts in any field across the wide spectrum of professions that the world has to offer. They don't even need to be close to the top of their game in the specific career, if they have one at all. This particular panel consists of David Hasslehoff, whose most recent act of fame would be him publicly wetting himself on a night out. Amanda Holden who is now famous for being a woman, who is alive and on TV. Finally there is Michael McIntrye, Britain's favourite comedian if you have no idea about the concept of humour or even mild entertainment, which is why he is on such shows. Despite the opinion that he is in fact funny and he is called a comedian, it is wrong, Michael McIntyre is about as entertaining as a mild stroke. People will argue that he is in fact funny because he has the capability to point out day to day occurrences, recite them to large crowds and wiggle his head but unfortunately to all of those who would argue this but that does not and never will constitute comedy, unless you are a 13 year old female.

Despite the judging panels being awash with these fantastically gifted international role models, this still doesn't provide me with enough distraction from the utter rubbish which is known as the 'talent'. These acts usually consist of a dog bouncing around a stage to the sound of Greensleeves or a 94 year old Grandfather of 5 body-popping to Run DMC. This is clearly what the nation needs to see, and none more so that the Queen as the winner of the competition gets to perform at the Royal Variety Performance.

Don't get me wrong, this does offer variety, but it is simply a variety of shit. I think they should do the honourable thing and save a lot of time and money and simply get the Queen on the panel to decide which act is suitable so that I do not have to hear about it every moment through the media.

Alternatively do the humane thing and put Amanda Holden down, she looks like a distressed horse and it offends me.

Thursday, 21 April 2011

The Only Way Is Essex: An Insight To Human Development

Now you all must have heard about the ITV2 Reality TV Show, The Only Way Is Essex. This fantastic piece of television footage collected and put together to constitute a "TV Show", and I use the term very loosely, was first aired on 10th October 2010. The premise of the show is to present a group of young adults growing up in Essex as a British alternative to The Hills or Jersey Shore, where they are inaccurately described as "real people in modified situations, saying unscripted lines but in a structured way".

This description could not possibly be any further from the truth on so many levels. Firstly in what possibly degenerate society can any of the 'cast members' being legally called "real people", I have seen some interesting characters in my time and none come close to those that are presented to the nation on 'TOWIE', as it is known, are literally the finest examples of humanity that Essex has to offer.

Each of the eleven main "characters" whose lives are dramatically followed, intruded upon and played with all seem to be different in appearance, but under the very thick layers of make up and fake tan they are all the same shallow, self-centred, fame craving human beings who need not be paid attention to. They all come across as the sort of people who would be impressed at the most trivial of things, and act as if they are so impressed at how they can sit and see themselves on the television despite not actually being in the television itself. The sort of people who, if presented with the decision between food and fake tan, would not hesitate to sacrifice nutrition in order to look as orange as a tangerine, and it would quite frankly work in their favour as it would mean "no Carbs before Marbs".

Since The Only Way Is Essex was brought to our television sets on 10th October 2010, the show has gone on to produce a further 19 Episodes to date, excluding specials, where the undoubtedly insignificant lives of Mark Wright, James Argent, Lauren Goodger and co have been further invaded to a truly unnecessary level of detail, so much so it has become the new Big Brother and the viewers can actually relate to these individuals, as I try to avoid the use of the term 'people' as much as possible.

Despite the wide spread affection and love shown towards the 'cast' of TOWIE there has also been considerable negative feedback related to the show, which is hard to believe but I guess people are entitled to their opinion, I mean how could revealing such characters as Joey Essex, and how their fantastic mind works, possibly be seen as a negative image for Essex? Exactly.

Oh wait, no I do see where they are coming from. This Joey Essex is literally one of the most pathetic examples of human development that I think I have ever seen. He has been brought up in a lifestyle where the possibilities to learn are endless, he has had no limitations as to the resources he could access to learn about the world due to the financial background and atmosphere in which he lives, yet he instead has 'grown up', again a term used loosely, to be a cretin. You would hope that Joey Essex would be the novelty character who didn't quite get it and the others laughed about it and got on with their lives, but unfortunately they are all as ignorant of the real world as the next. They all seem to find amusement in Joey Essex and his mistakes, which is totally understandable, but when they then go on to attempt to correct him and then act as if they are more intelligent is rather annoying.

It is like watching a group of mentally challenged individuals living their lives and pointing out and laughing at each others flaws and imperfections in life before the crushing reality of their own depressing lives hits home and they end up in tears also. Actually it is exactly that, it is about as entertaining as a book full of carpet samples. I literally cannot see any attraction towards this show or how it has managed to last on air so long. It would not surprise me to find these girls on a channel like Babestation in a few years time as their 'career' in fashion or politics or whatever just "didn't take off as I had expected". As for the others they would not look out of place on Jeremy Kyle discussing how their brief spell on 'reality TV' has caused them so much emotional stress and turmoil that they now cannot trust anyone again.

Despite the love that people have for this show, I still believe The Only Way Is Essex literally is as insightful and interesting as a colonoscopy, a very detailed portrayal of what can only be accurately described as nothing but shit. If I wanted to gain a perverted insight into the shallow, insignificant lives of so called celebrities I would simply pick up a national paper and observe the garbage which is written on the front page about the latest sex scandal of the 'nations favourite footballer'.

Thursday, 7 April 2011

What's the point? (Part 1)

Recently I have noticed more and more things which I literally cannot find a purpose for in any way, shape or form, so I have put this blog together to highlight these irritating issues, objects etc. I hope you enjoy.

The first thing that caught my attention and inevitably annoyed me enough to write this blog were a group of "Free Runners" in Sheffield Peace Gardens. Now for those of you who aren't fortunate enough to know what this is and what it entails, I will provide you with a brief outline of this truly fantastic concept which is provided from Wikipedia. 

"Free Running is a form of Urban acrobatics in which the participants, who are known as Free Runners, use the city and rural landscape to perform movements through its structures. It incorporates efficient movements from parkour, adds aesthetic vaults and other acrobatics, such as tricking and street stunts, creating an athletic and aesthetically pleasing way of moving", apparently. So when I saw these Free Runners performing their public acrobatic display it got me wondering what is the benefit of doing such a thing? Are these people seriously that mentally unstable that walking to and from destinations does not fulfil their requirements for a short trip across town? These people would not look out of place in a Zoo in the monkey enclosure, what more would they need aside a tyre on a rope and walls to run into?

The particular individual Free Runner who caught my attention was one who was walking up a set of stairs in a handstand on his hands, as if to show to everyone else present as he performed this stunt that his way of getting up stairs was much easier, practical and generally a more sensible option. After a brief moment of time contemplating what was going through the mind of this particular Free Runner, I came to the conclusion that he was simply a moron who really believes that walking on your specially designed and formed feet is old fashioned and his 'new' intuitive way of transporting his 'finely tuned body' from a lower level to one that is higher by using his hands instead, was clearly the new way forward. Oh how naive we all have been, based on this I might start making my cup of tea in the morning with my feet, once I have gone downstairs on my hands that is. Then again, I can see why Heather Mills might find it an appealing way to get up sets of stairs.

Another truly pointless creation which has got me wondering why bother inventing it is Non-Alcoholic Beer. Now before I go on to rant about this I know it is made for those who do not want to drink alcohol but like the taste of beer. That is not what I am challenging, I am challenging the concept of something so pointless, why would these companies put so much money into funding this product development purely because there are fussy people who want the best of both worlds. Someone should tell them that you cannot have the best of both worlds, just look at Charlie Sheen, he has had the best of many worlds for too long now and it has all fallen to pieces. Also why would anybody take these people seriously? Who honestly says that they want to have an alcoholic drink which is not alcoholic just so that they can 'fit in' and not be judged because they wont be drink driving that particular evening after a work function. Oh wait. Anyway, it is a pointless creation, just like Decaffeinated Coffee.

Why do people choose to drink coffee, I would naturally assume that it was drunk because of the stimulating influence it has upon the consumer. That stimulation which is gained from drinking a cup of coffee comes from the caffeine, which gives you that huge boost of energy, awareness and enthusiasm which we all need on a weekday morning. So tell me this, if that is what coffee is for, why would someone want to be able to drink it and gain no benefit from the cup of coffee? Surely that is the same as drinking a glass of Orange Juice without the Vitamin C, totally pointless in every possible way.

Another thing that has caused me to become annoyed are people who wear T-Shirts which have an overly stretched neck line and trousers with an overly exaggerated crotch, why do it? I can only imagine that they do it because their ego's mean they are so big headed it is the only possibly way a T-Shirt would fit on them, where the big headedness is further increased due to the need for a baggy crotch because of their enormous fantasy cocks which will only be held in by a huge pair of low crotch chinos, right?

Also what is the deal with American English, this is supposedly a totally separate and different language yet it is essentially English for dyslexic people. Why put this silly alteration of the English language on a Word Processing Program which will not highlight blatant spelling mistakes because it has chosen to go into American English Language mode? The main use of the Word Processor is to type up literature which will be accurately spelt and if any mistakes arise then the computer will literally do the thinking for you and alert you to your faults. But instead it sometimes goes into the spin off substandard language they use across the pond and the computer also becomes illiterate, therefore defeating the purpose of why you are using it. So basically if they had not let the Americans ruin the English language we would not face these problems. At what point was it that people decided that normal English was not good enough and its correctly spelt words needed re-structuring? I personally have never heard anyone complain about the English language and how the words were spelt, as far as I am aware the way it is now is widely accepted as fine and in no need of change, so why did someone let the Americans get hold of it and mess it all up, which is a question that can be applied to a wide range of topics such as World Peace, but lets not go there for now.

So there was a brief rant about what has been annoying me recently, I hope you enjoyed it. If not then keep your comments to yourself as they will probably irritate me and cause me to write another blog in your honour. Thanks.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

One womans lie about an affair which got seriously out of hand...

So here is my first attempt to write a humorous yet serious article about a controversial topic, if at all possible. So when deciding what to write I thought why not start with one of the most widely debated topics ever know to humanity, religion but in particular Christianity.

So let's start at the beginning so that we do not lose anyone along this 100% factual journey explaining to us in a fascinating book called the Holy Bible, you may have heard of it. The Holy Bible is a collection of sacred scripture from various branches of Christianity. Despite this particular book not being specifically categorised as to which area of literature it falls into, fiction or non-fiction (I will let you be the judge, but if you are asking me it is all a load of magical stories which are less believable than Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings), it has gone on to be the bestselling book of all time in its various forms.

Anyway if I were to explain the whole book it would take forever, so in the long and short of it the book basically states that the world was created in 6 days by a supernatural being who is Omniscient, Omnibenevolent, Omnipotent and Omnipresent. The world was then left to two human beings, a man and a woman, who were also made by this interventionalist deity out of dust and a man’s rib respectively. Which is perfectly reasonable considering this is an Omnipotent entity, but if this deity were Omnipotent could it create a weight which it could not lift? Anyway more of that later.

So these two humans were left to roam the Garden of Eden but were told not to eat the apple from the tree. They met a talking snake who stitches them right up and they eat the apple and God gets mad, he then banished them from the garden and made all other humans who descend from them (surely inbred?) to suffer for their actions.

So a couple of years or so down the line, this boy called Jesus is born to a mother called Mary, who was the result of the immaculate conception which somehow many so called "Christians" do not know, and a father called Joseph who did a Woodwork NVQ. This baby Jesus turns out to be God the Son incarnated, who would have thought it? So Jesus was sent down from the heavens to guide the ignorant people on Earth as their Messiah, and yes if you were wondering he was allowed outside despite being a very naughty boy.

So Jesus went through his life performing "miracles", which are described as: "a transgression of a law of nature by the volition of a deity", which turns out to be a rather large grey area which is surprising considering the credibility of the Holy Bible and the concepts which it contains within. Now bearing in mind that Law's of Nature are what has been observed throughout time and therefore anything is possible to happen, for example that water once turned into wine then that would be considered a Law of Nature as it is something that has happened and been previously observed and known to the present day. Also in this case the deity would be Christ himself, as we all know he is clearly God the Son Incarnate. So what I am trying to say is that the events that occurred when Jesus was involved are simply by definition events that have occurred and that in turn makes them fall within the Law's of Nature and not some magical explanation. Surely they are not miracles then?

Despite all the miracles he did, Jesus ended up being crucified to atone the rest of humanity for sin or being a poor magician, you can make your own minds up there. Naturally he died and was placed in a cave which was his burial chamber. Three days later his followers went to check on him and he was not anywhere to be seen. As you do when you die, three days later you just get up and walk about for 40 days before actually dying, so either Jesus wasn't dead or the story is a load of bollocks, again make of it what you will.

Jesus finally did the decent thing and returned to heaven and a good 500 years later people decided to actually write down the stories which they had heard about this Jesus character, how could any of the key information or facts possibly be lost 500 years down the line by stories being passed on by word of mouth like a big game of mythical Chinese Whispers? Exactly, it couldn't as any reasonable Christian will inform you.

So these books were formed from the disciples’ stories and they were called the Gospels, titled Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Then over the years the books which the Bible is made up of were taken out and put in and the final decision fell into the hands of King James I in 1604 who had the Holy Bible translated and altered so that it could be fully appreciated by the wider world. Again this method could not affect the credibility of such a text after it being passed down from generation to generation to then be translated from language to language, as we all know that translating on Google provides us with such an accurate answer as did this method, so there is no reason why we should doubt this text.

Now 400 years further on here we are living in a country where the laws and rules are based upon this sacred text. Where we still foolishly rely upon these dated principles to assist us in such difficult decisions, such as are we to let the dying let go of life? Are we allowed to terminate a pregnancy at a certain point? Is it socially acceptable to be homosexual? How can we rationally rely upon such a dated and biased text which was formed in roughly 2000 years ago to help govern and manage decisions in a modern and ever developing society and an ever changing world, when this book is simply a story which has got out of hand and into the hands of far too many gullible people who would literally believe anything if enough people told them it were true. Let's just hope in a further 2000 years time that people will worship a figure called Albus Dumbledore and they will look at Harry Potter as their prophet and Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger as Harry's disciples and that they were in fact real people who performed such daring and magical acts that they are worthy of being worshipped, but let's face it they are probably being worshipped already.

I may be called narrow minded because of my views but I am a firm believer that if you open your mind to much, your brain might just fall out.